Double Life

My name is Amapola Gold and I am the shiksa from Manila...

As I write this it is the fourth night of Hanukkah. Thus far I have made latkes out of 5 pounds of russet potatoes. Go ahead, tell me I used the wrong potato. Or I should add onions (frankly, I prefer shallots). And if you tell me to use Mott’s apple sauce one more time (of course I make them from scratch), I will throw the entire jar your way.

I have to confess: if I touch or see another potato in the next 24 hours, I am going to start singing, “Silent Night”. You should see my hands and fingers, they are so dry from frying all those patties I look like I have eczema or worse, psoriasis. Quick, hand me the Eucerin or the Oscar for Outstanding Performance by a Shiksa in a....comedy.

People make so much of the December Dilemma. That’s the term (must have been made-up by an atheist, agnostic, or Buddhist) conjured for the emotional and mental conflict interfaith families endure during this time of year. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a spike in therapy visits.

All I can say is: been there, done that. I’ve moved on and made my peace. It hasn’t been easy, occasionally I slip and plummet into emotional depths I might as well be a spelunker, but eventually, you come up for fresh air.

My dilemma has less to do with the spiritual than with the temporal: what is the best sauce for dipping latkes? Apple sauce is great but that’s if you don’t know any better. You should try vinegar mixed with minced garlic, sea salt, red pepper flakes and sliced onions. Or Thai sweet and sour sauce. Soy sauce works. And my all time favorite, fish sauce, freshly squeeze lime juice and fresh cilantro. As they say on tv, “Priceless!”

Go ahead, have apple sauce. December dilemma? I’m dipping my latkes elsewhere.